Stolen from my roommates...

Dear Roommates

I don't know how to say this, but I hate you.
I think I realized it when I tied my shoes in your van and I saw you carve your names in John Travolta. I'm sure you're senile enough to understand that Santa doesn't exist.
Im sending back your ring, but I'm keeping your pictures as a memory.
You should know that I get sick when I think about your passionate interest for mice.
Go f*ck youself,
Benjamin Samuel Goldschmidt

Dear- your partners name- (if you're single, write whatever)

I don't know how to say this, but __1__.
I think I realized it __2__ __3__, and I saw you __4__ __5__.
I'm sure you're __6__ enough to understand __7__.
Im sending back __8__, but I'm keeping __9__ as a memory.
You should know that I __10__ __11__.
__12__ /-your name-


1.THE COLOR OF YOUR SHIRT:

blue- our romance is over
red- our affair is at an end
white- I'm joining a monastery
black- I hate you
green- our horoscopes doesn't match
grey- You're a perv
yellow- I'm on the streets
pink- Your nostrils are an insult
brown- the mafia is after you
no shirt- You're a loser
other- I'm in love with your sister


2. WHAT MONTH WERE YOU BORN IN?

January- that night
February- last year
March- when we were skinny dipping
April- when I was high on sesame seed
May- when I was shaving your legs
June- when you put handcuffs on me
July- when I threw up
August- When I saw the tiny head
September- when your dwarf bit me
October- When I was taking a walk
November- When I tied my shoes
December- When your dog went crazy

3. FAV FOOD?
tacos- in your house
pizza- in your van
pasta - in London
Hamburger- Under the bus
salad- while you were eating enchiladas
chicken- with Chuck Norris
kebab- in your closet
fish- in woman-clothes
sandwich- at the mental hospital
hotdogs- in trans
other- with mr and mrs Bush

4. WHATS THE COLOR OF YOUR SOCKS?
yellow- hitting on
red- insulting
black- ignoring
blue- punching
purple- pour syrup on
white- carve your name in
gray- tear the clothes of
brown- put leeches on
pink- steal the toupee from
no socks- sit on
other- chasing out


5. WHAT'S THE COLOR OF YOUR UNDERWEAR?
black – my best friend
white- my father
gray- John Travolta
Brown- my whoopee cushion
purple- my pie
red- th cookiemonster
blue- my aloe vera plant
Yellow- my pen-pal from Ghana
Orange – my Carl Larsson-collection
pink – my cat
no underwear – my Cartman-statue
Other- The crazy monk


6. WHAT DO YOU WATCH ON TV?
Scrubs - man
O.C. - sensitive
One Tree Hill - open
Heroes - ashamed
Lost - turned on
House - cowardly
Simpsons - scarred
the news - Mongolian
American Idol – masochistic
Family Guy - senile
other - frost-bitten

7.WHAT MOOD ARE YOU IN RIGHT NOW?
happy- how bad I've been feeling
sad- How boring you are
bored- that your Honda sucks
angry- that all your pimples are in the last stadium
Depressed- That I have changed sex
exited- that there's no solution to
nervous- the Middle east
Worried- that we're cousins
apathetic- that Santa doesn't exist
Ashamed- that I'm allergic to your hamster
Hugable- that the garbage-man turns me on
exceedingly happy- that I'm a clone
other- "Deal or no deal" sucks

8. THE COLOR OF YOUR BEDROOM-WALLPAPER?
white- your ring
yellow- your love letters
red- your Darth Vader-poster
black- your pet rock
blue- the pillows
green- the pictures of Portugal
Orange- your artificial teeth
brown- your cellphone
gray- our matching snoopy-bibs
pink- the old toe-nails
other- your military service-memory-box

9. THE FIRST LETTER IN YOUR NAME?
A/B - Your picture
C/D - the oil-stock shares
E/F - My virginity
G/H - your neighbor Carl
I/J - The blood-test results
K/L- your left ear
M/N - Your suicide-note
O/P - my sense
Q/R - your mom
S/T - Your collection of butterflies
U/V/W - your crime records
X/Y/Z- your highschool grades


10. LAST LETTER OF YOUR LASTNAME?
A/B – shall always remember
C/D – never will forget
E/F – Always will try to forget
G/H – will inform The Swedish Tax Agency
I/J – have always felt dirty because of
K/L – have never laughed in public about
M/N – am making a movie about
O/P – throw rocks at
Q/R – informed the psychiatrist about
S/T – get sick when I think about
U/V/W – told the news paper about
X/Y/Z – never liked

11. FAV DRINK?
water- our friendship
beer - pensioner
Soda- a new life as a clone
milk- eskimos
wine- cocaine addiction
Cider- a passionate interest for mice
Juice- woody allen-imitations
lemonade- your embarrassing rashes
Whisky - destroying the 2nd world war
other- hating Shrek

12. WHERE DO YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION?
Thailand - Best wishes
Sweden- love
England- With pain
Spain- Go f*ck youself
China- gross wishes
Germany- With relief
Japan- go to hell
Greece - Your enternal enemy
Austraila- say goodbye to your pet frog Leonard from me
Egypt- Go now
France- Good luck
Other- Say goodbye to your creepy family from me.